Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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