got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
