So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
