I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
