Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
