Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
