I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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