I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
