Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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