That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
