i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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