Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
