You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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