My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
