other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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