i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
