The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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