My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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