i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
