He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
