I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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