I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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