A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
