forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
