Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
