I wanna passion pit in your ass
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
