She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
