So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
