the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
