Is it because I queefed?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
