I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sorry about my life...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
