Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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