Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
