every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
