I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
