It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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