dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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