My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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