evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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