Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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