at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
