Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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