Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You made out with two different species that night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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