His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
