theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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