Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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