Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
