its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
