I just threw up on my dentist
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
