are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
