So drunk its hurt
i wish my penis had a tongue
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
