I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The uberlube is also flammable
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
